


Interlude: Feelings Are Complicated

by SpringlockedSpectre



Series: [warmth] [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: :(, Angst, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Is Bad at Feelings, Whump, he puts it back in but only because his family would get sad and blame themselves, nines rips out his thirium pump to make it stop beating, self-depreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25422394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpringlockedSpectre/pseuds/SpringlockedSpectre
Summary: Nines was only deviated a couple of months ago, so it wouldn’t be so far-fetched to say that feelings still confused him.(Side story toThe Feeling of Warmthin Nines’s POV, which was inspired byNumb Until You Earn It by TheAsexualOfSpades)
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: [warmth] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844185
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Interlude: Feelings Are Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines runs away from his problems for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, welcome to the Interlude! If you read the summary, you'd know that this was a side story to [The Feeling of Warmth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24822835/chapters/60040219), my other Reed900 story! If you read the end note on Gavin Reed is A Hot Mess, you'd know that this is a story from Nines's point of view, which aren't the actual interludes between chapters!
> 
> Anyway, I had a system of 3 Gavin chapters and 1 Nines chapter, rinse and repeat, but I found that there are a couple of things that might've been better explained if I could've added Nines's perspective. Seeing as I didn't want to break the system, I made this story, which is again, optional.
> 
> Anyway, so this chapter takes place near the very end of Gavin Reed is A Hot Mess, right when Gavin hears something outside his door. If you haven't read that yet, then what are you doing here?! You little deviant, go and read that story first!

**MAY 31, 2039 - 21:46:39  
** **57° in Detroit, Michigan, 6° colder than yesterday**

Disgust. 

That was what Nines thought- no, _knew_ he saw on Gavin’s face. The detective had been _disgusted_ at him for kissing him. Why wouldn’t he have? Nines was a male, and according to statistics, most successful relationships were composed of a man and a woman, not two men. Plus, Nines was a machine. A plastic. Not human. _Disgusting._

It had been one day since he’d fled from Gavin after their disgusting kiss. Yet he could not get Gavin’s face out of his head. He couldn’t get rid of Gavin’s expressions. Shock. Fear. _Disgust._ He struggled to breathe, he felt his body overheating to a temperature higher than it was used to. He checked the temperature of the space around him, trying to ensure that he wasn’t wrong, that he had just misconstrued things. It was 57° Fahrenheit.

**_“iT f3e1s c0ld_** **_F_ ** **_r %h@n t#at.”_ **

And it was true. It really did feel so much colder outside. Right now, Nines was walking around Hank’s neighborhood. He did not have any aim, no final destination, no ending in mind. He just wanted to walk. Hank always said that walking calmed him down, especially if Sumo was with him. Today, Nines couldn’t take Sumo out for a walk because the large dog had fallen asleep with both his predecessor and the Lieutenant. It felt too wrong to wake him up, so he went out on his own. He decided to leave a note for his family, just in case they woke up before he got back.

 _‘Went outside to try to get a cool head. Do not worry, I will be back. - Nines’,_ the note had said. Nines felt that what he wrote was enough. It was not a lie, nor was it hiding anything too important. Just the fact that he had kissed Detective Reed before even bothering to check in with him if he was alright with it. Just the fact that he might have failed his first partnership by having to end it prematurely. Just the fact that he kissed his coworker, which was against the _‘no relations between coworkers’_ rule that Captain Fowler had enforced around three years ago. Just the fact that he failed Gavin and himself by acting before thinking.

**[MISSION FAILED: IMPROVE PARTNERSHIP WITH DT. REED. REPORT BACK TO CYBERLIFE TO FIX THE-]**

Nines saw the warnings on his system, the [MISSION FAILED] text getting more and more prominent, appearing everywhere on his HUD, until he couldn’t see anything anymore, only the text in a stupidly white Cyberlife Sans font. He sat there, filled with self-loathing, and began to heat up. His body was telling him to not overheat, telling him to cool down. His breathing was ragged and unnecessary, but he needed to calm down. He needed to be able to think, he needed-

Nines got up and ran from wherever he was, he didn’t know where he was headed, he did not care, he needed to cool down. The wind brushing against his body helped cool him down a little, but he knew that it was not enough. It was never enough, it just needed to rain, but the rain couldn’t come sooner. He needed-

Breaths heavy, he ended up at an apartment building that he didn’t recognize. He just climbed it with cat-like precision, his steps never wavering once even as he struggled to keep his mind in check. He climbed and climbed, hearing the rustle of doors, but he did not bother with that. He just kept climbing, and climbing, and climbing. 

Once he got to the highest point that the stairs could get him, he climbed the railings as fast as he could, climbing and climbing, up until he managed to reach the top. Nines stood at the edge of the roof, his thirium pump regulator beating, _beating,_ **_beating-_ **

-and then stopped. It stopped beating as abruptly as it would’ve as soon as he took it out of his chest. He knew he wouldn’t survive long without it, but he just needed to relax right now. He sat down on the roof, looking over the Detroit sky with his heart still in his hand.

**[IMMINENT SHUTDOWN IN: 00:04:59.73]**

Nines just sat there on the roof, taking in the nice quiet moments to calm down. He didn’t really have too much to do at home, and his thirium pump just kept beating louder and louder, to a point where he didn’t know how to make it stop beating so fast and loud. It reminded him of gunshots. It reminded him of words sniped from people he thought he could trust. He did not like them.

**[IMMINENT SHUTDOWN IN: 00:03:42.19]**

His breathing steadied, up until the point where he could stop breathing unnecessarily. He relaxed as soon as it did, feeling the cool wind blast against his skin. He wondered if it would rain soon. The rain always helped him calm down. It never made him feel like he wasn’t there, nor did it make him so damn confused about everything he was feeling.

No, the rain made him feel numb.

**[҉I͏M͝MI̛NEN̶T ̛S҉H͝U͢TD͡OW͞N̡ I̶N͏: 00̶:02:͟18̨.̢5̨5]̕**

Gavin had been nice to him out of most of their interactions. The likelihood that Detective Reed would’ve liked him the same way he liked the detective was 78%, a relatively high number. But of course there had to be that twenty-two percent. The one that did whatever it wanted, no matter how much hurt it could cause. The one thing that would have prevented a relationship from sinking into the bottomless pit had been chucked into the void, never to return again. Nines thought it to be poetic. It sucked to have a life of grunt work, always checking files and running inventory and getting coffee and being forced to listen and being cold and uncaring.

I̝t̩͎̼̼͙ ̙̞̘̞h̟͕̮̖ư̼͖͙r̖͈t͍̥͕.̶̤̰̩̣

**[̧͇̥̰͚I̷͈̲͟͠M̷̧̞̘̹͓̫̥̜M̮̗̙̜͈̙̕I̺͓͈N̷̡̺͈̯̥̞E҉͓̞̞̥͍̺̫̝N̵͉͎̠͇͍̱͕̘̗T̰̼̝̝̘̩̝ ͕̺̩ͅS͔͉̣H̲͔̱͞͡U҉̲̮̺T̸̨̛̝̝̳D̸̴͕̩̗͜Ǫ̥̘͇̼̞̱̬͇͜W̛̝̪N̴̺̼͍͇͎̮͠ ̬̮̖͓͉͚͔͚I̙̜̕N͇̘̯͎͇̹:̤̖̠͜ ͚̟͖̰̻͎̳̕͢0̴͚̗0̞̯̤̩͍͎̗̙͘͜:̵̷͓͙̩͍̣̩͔0̝̹1̡̢̖͎͉ͅ:̵̣̲͇̺̪̜̪̞͡4͠͏̺͍͈̮͖͙3̸̥̰̝.̵̞͈̳̲̹̻̥8̹̯͓͖̻̗͠0̻̥̞͍̠͚͡]̸̞̥̣̞̥̞̟͓̠͡**

At this point, the detective should have been asleep. The detective, despite his raccoon-looking face with those dark circles under his eyes, actually slept quite well throughout his days-off. He knew this due to how the detective always seemed well-rested whenever it was the day after his day-off. Nines knew this because he cared about people, even if they did not care about him.

I̷̦̗̖̳̗̩̦͢t̺̣̹̭ ͈͎̪̼̝̙̤̥h̴̨̰̫̭̤̝͈̘̳̦ư̷̝r̨͓̰t̢̛̮͕͕͕̟.̢̜̜̹͇̤̙̦͠

**[̢̥̳̣̦̕͢͡I̵͔̼̟̖̝̖̙̳͈̭̮̙̞͚̝̜͟ͅM̕҉̠̠̯̮͇̪̭̮͓̳̫̭̜̘̯̣͝ͅM̡̧̪̫̪͖̥͉͍̞Į̷̡͏̳͔̖̹͈̝̘̱̯̰̞̱̹̱̝͕N̶̵̢͙͎̹͕̲̻̗̜͟Ę̴̢̺͇̞͈̥̲̱͉͇̟͍̳͉̟͚̳̬͈͟͢Ṋ̴̼̺̰̳͔̻̻̲͇̤Ṯ̡̨͍͙̝͉ͅ ̶̨̞̳̯͔̯̲̜̖S̛̹̞̤̼̯̣̝̕͘H͈̜̘̥̞̼̰̮̕͝U̢̧̬̺̪̝̺͚͇̜̝̼̯̗̗̩T̷̴͓̝ͅD̦͔̣̖͚̹͟͞͞O̶̵̧̰̣̥̗͓̹͙͚̘̭̣͇̰̭̩̺̠̕͢W͢͏̛͈̖̦̮͈͕̯̗͔͈̗̙ͅN̳̯͈͕͖̘͎͍̹͉̠͈̟͘͜͞͝ͅͅ ̵̬̠̮̖̥̦͡I͍̼̗̜̖̥͘͝N̘̥̫̳̥̤͡:̱͙͚̝͚͜ ͡͏̗͇̺̩̦͇̠̼̯̥̭͎͙̰0̸̡̹͖̤͉͘͟0̢̼̝̪̻̩̘̯̰̲͘:̨̛͕̤̳̹̩͎̣͕̳̮̗͚͘0̶̷̭͍̦̲̞͚̗̰͇͢͡0̴̝̪̦̩̤̺̣̥̭̰:̴̧̛̥̙̥̦̝̮͙͢0̴̨̭̩͔̜͔̙̮͘ͅ9͏̠͚͈̯̖̠͚̱̠̮̖ͅͅ.̶̛͍͔̜̩̘̩̝̕͠9̷͔̣͉͖̦̘͕̰͎̤͇̖͇̳͜9͓̻͉̲̻͕̰̹̠͉͘]̸̡̤̫͚̪̠̗̩̝̼͎͚͔͕̙̜͖͘͟**

Nines really had to put his thirium pump back in. He did not want to upset Connor and Hank. He did not want them to find his corpse up on the roof of some random building. He did not want them to be sad because they thought that they could not do anything to save him. So he put his thirium pump back in, right at the last second.

He was alerted that he was going to shut down, but he knew that this would only be temporary. It always was. His thirium pump beat loud against his plating. He did not feel it’s rampant beating anymore, only the slow rumbles it made inside of his chest cavity. He still felt too many things. Too many thoughts of Detective Reed’s disgust, too many thoughts of heartbroken Connor, too many thoughts of Hank blaming himself.

**I̧͖̤̲̫̞̘̹̤͕͟͟ͅͅt̟̙̳̱͓̘̥͍̖ ̴͏̡̺̮̱̮̳̗͖̩̹͍͉͇͔͢h̵̵̨̨͚̦̹̪͙̬͙͕͙̟̖͔͉ͅu̸̸̧͕̦̣͍̘̠̗͇̺͎̼̦̠̦͎͎̠̗͘r̶̸̛̘̼̖̟̻͈̱̱͓͠t̛̛̞͉̱͟͠͠.̴͇̼̱̙̘̭̣̗̖̪̟͔̫̗̲̰͢͝**


End file.
